ahh....home!!

ahhh......
im home!!
feels so good to hv evrytin at a drive away....
n the food here!the food.....i miss msia...the place where ALL kinds of food meet n u can get them anywhere!!
sigh...

Jogja x lk dat.....it's McD's is so rare...guess not popular.
evrytme end up eatin at the lesehan(roadside stalls) which serve indon food...
but i guess it mks u treasure home more....haha.

when i stepped into Sunway pyramid....it ws like coming home...!!!!!!
ahh.....starbucks,sushi king,waffle world,KIM GARY....!
n knowin me n food...it feels lk i've jz fallen madly in love...
sigh...i love my food!
now waitin to get my hands on mamak food!!maggi mee goreng,teh o ais limau,roti tissue,tosai,poori,roti telur....!!!ahh........sum1 sound the alert....my house's startin 2flood...

sigh...why la....food is such a huge thing to me...feel so deprived in jogja.haha...summore the chnse food's so difrnt fr home.MOM,I mISS ur siew pak choi,choi sum,kailan....vege....my heart...my soul.

nyway,it;s good comin back.

gud to get away fr evrytin,get a fresh perspective on lotsa stuff.
made me realise wat's truly imprtnt 2me...
i mean,there r things dat rily hurt u so so much...n u agonize over it..
but when u come away fr it,tk a break,u realise...u x rily nd 2lose sleep over it.
it's lk,it seemed imprtnt at dat pt in time,but den u realise wat's truly imprtnt n it's jz secondary...

evrytins jz been crazy...emotionally im not wired 2cope w crap lk dis...
i mean,my past experiences neva involved me puttin my heart n soul into things like dis,i mean,not in such an intense level as dis.
i tot wat's imprtnt is my feelings.dowan 2go thru wat i went thru again.
but wat i neva realised is dat,d more intense d feelings,the greater the hurt.

n it sux to be hurt,again.n again.
how stupid do i hv 2b b4 i learn...??
there're things u x rely on othr's judgement,
1 of it is dis...
u hv 2decide 4urself or u'll end up throwin a gud thing away cuz of bad advice fr ppl,n malicial rumours.
or u cud end up hurt,n heartbroken,cheated,cuz u refused to heed EVRY1 else's advice...u noe,when u ignore the warning signs n jz ram thru...
sigh..
both outcomes suck...so wat do i choose?
2wait?but it can't wait...decision nds 2b made soon.

BUT AM I HAPPY??
i tink mayb dat's d que i shd b askin...
it's ridiculous,the things i hv 2tolerate..
i din even care dat much in the beginnin..
so y izzit difrnt now?y do i care so much....??
y izzit so strong now?y do i feel like i can't lose dis....??

sum ppl were rite,now it seems lk im the 1carin more bout dis than the actual person who wanted in the beginnin.

but im tired.so dat's the answer...
im tired of thinkin,n makin decisions,n makin allowances,sacrifices,tryin to let go of my past in the process..hurtin so much.n 4wat?

how do u tel the truth fr a lie??
how do u noe whthr it's all real??
im thinkin,im so afraid of it,dat it'll all burst lk a bubble n evrytin wil be gone,n i'll oni b left w sticky messy soap.
it wil...im neva so fortunate in this arena...
it alwiz bursts in front of my face..
alwiz.
feel so down now...

i miss those times...but dey're x comin back..
wish i cud hear ur voice,tel me again...

ANGEL'S LIPS
it's a great song...love it alot.cuz the lyrics remind me how fake a guy can be...
go check it out ppl...x sure who sang it,prob the calling.sounds lk their kinda song...

wanna close my eyes n neva wake up...let it all fade away.

difference in opinion

ahhh...

wat do u do when sum1 keeps tryin to change u??

i mean...his pt of view makes sense too but then...
hear me out 1st k?

i beliv dat if a person loves u he'll accept u 4who u are...
not try to change u into sum1 u're not....
i mean if i can't b myself w the person im closest to....then who can i be myself with??
when am i able to feel free to act how i truly am,w no inhibitions, 2feel safe n not be afraid dat i'll be judged 4acting the way i am...
we all hv inhibitions when we;re in public...
we dun do watever we want whenever we want...

but i feel dat,w the person im closest to,if i cant act crazy or be myself...den how wil the realationship work???
i feel lk im walkin on ice...lk i hv to b careful of wat i say,or do,or act....
i can't be spontaneous for fear dat he wun lk it n wil judge me....

BUT....

HE THINKS.....
dat if u care 4a person...
u'll tell the person wat u dun lk about them...
u'll be honest in a rltnshp,n share watever displeases u w them..
u'll advise the person cuz u love them n want them 2change 4the better.
who else wil tell u wat r ur problems if not ur loved 1....?
it tks honesty to make a rltnshp work.
so if he dusn lk sumtin bout me,he;ll tell me...
n expect me 2change...

so how...???
who's rite???
i dun lk bein constantly on guard in a rltnshp...
constantly kept on my toes..
sigh...
oh,4instance...
he dusn like me sighing....accordin to him,chinse bliv dat if u sigh,
u're bringing bad luck on urself...
but i sigh VERY OFTEN....n since long b4 i can rmbr i've been sighing.....
sigh...
so i must change for him?
but it's jz sighing...

now i gtg.cuz my fren got tired of waitin for me n decided to jz call the cab to go home..dis is the problem when u stay with a person...summore v both stay so far..hc to go bac 2gethr....ugh...
sigh
bye.