Wednesday, March 18, 2009

i Dream....

of light salty sprays of breakin surf agnst bare,sun-kissed skin..

of runnin barefoot,tiptoed on cold hardwood floors into warm open arms..

of a crackling firelit carpet,listenin to pattering rain,lying in swirling scents of deep woody,coffee tinted love.

of endless fields of lilies bursting forth in blinding sunshine,butterflies kissing wild,dew-soaked hair.

of aimless staring into the depths of a soul,familiar light touch of fingertips on skin of heightened senses.

of security in a gesture to lie in the swell n groove of rippling tanned arms.

of silence settling comfortably around 2 books n a warm cup of hot chocolate,flowing hair in ur soft lap, while white flakes fall lightly in piles past the window.

of wandering silent streets at midnight,hand in hand,delving into life,God,past,future,love,regrets;meandering pathways lit by our hushed whispers of sweet nothings as if time were our own n this were neverending.

of pale silvery light warming ur brown canvas,the swelling n filling of my heart,endless;gazing into dark depths of ur unknown,wild n bewildering,captivating a soul’s insatiable curiosity.

of the first lingering feel,the moment rite before 2 worlds collide,a second b4 the explosion of emotions amalgamate into 1searing connection between 2 souls.

of intense craving of a simple bowl of fresh crisp salad with surprising tuna chunks in oil.

of careless abandon of any pretenses n fear of rejection,feeling completely n entirely what i feel,with no need for any shroud to mask the compelling wave of falling into an endless sea of swelling insane emotion.

of orange-purple soaked hues of the sun setting on Hagia Sophia,the towering walls in Istanbul,the call to prayer amidst the Byzantine domes,casting her shadows on 2souls trespassing a time-worn historical divide;staring into the longest moment of fading light,head on chest,hand on heart,caught in this moment forever.

of christmastime with a real pine,minus the frills.perfect white tea candles with dancing flames lit in every corner gently illuminating redwood panelling, plush cushions,velvet cushions,soft sinking cushions strewn on every imaginable surface,steak with mashed potatoes n red wine.strong arms around,caring,searching deep into the depths of me,n sweeping me up in an embrace,watching the stars n as 2universes melt as 1,together,wonder abt the constellations n life beyond time.

I dream…of having it all n so much more,more than i can ever list.

hey baby gal,

hey baby gal,
giv me ur hand,
i’ll hold u close,
n never let go,
no matter wat the world throws.

hey baby gal,
give me ur heart,
n i’ll keep it safe,
from all the pain,
i’ll be ur fortress,ur shield, ur man.

hey baby gal,
u r my world,
watch u breathe,
life in my hands,
u r all i have,u r all i need.

hey baby gal,
believe in me,
giv me strength giv me faith,
watch u laugh,feel ur smile,
i m all i cn be with u in my life.

hey baby gal,
tk my breath away,
u’re mine n i stil can’t believe,
u gave me all,n u never faltered,
u never gave up on me,n i noe u’d never leave.

hey baby gal,
im sori i lied,
this is not hw i tot it wud end,
i ws so sure i ws doin d rite thing,
n nw ur heart wil never mend.

hey baby gal,
pls forgive me,
i never existed,it’s all in ur mind,
an illusion,a mirage,
saltwater to a sailor adrift alone on the ocean shrine.

hey baby gal,
stop dreamin of me,
im not real,im just a mist,
wrap my arms arnd u,
freeze ur heart, cold death kiss.

hey baby gal,
u’ve lost ur rosey glow,
disillusioned,jaded,
learn2live alone in a world,
wher day light brings wolves who prey on baby girls.

i cant cry..

crash n burned,
u sit ther lookin sorry,
‘im sorry’ is all u have,
picture me,in my pain;
u hv no clue do u,
wat u did;i’m now broken.
u claim dey all broke ur heart,
well b glad cuz nw im broke,
try to cry bt ther’s no tears,
can’t feel can’t breathe can’t speak,
‘im diffrnt,dun b afraid2love me.time will tell…’
time DID tell,
u’re exactly the same,a jerk of the highest level.

i noe u’re hapi it’s done,
i noe u’re relieved im gone,
i hope u rot in pain,i hope u feel the same;
NO,i hope u feel infinitely more,
i can’t cry,bcuz ther’s nothin to cry abt.
u were long gone fr my heart b4 u opened ur mouth.

then y is my heart dead.
I can’t feel anymore.
hv a funeral,burst out the champagne.
sophia died today,i hope u’re hapi.

my epitaph:

‘lived gullible,trusting,screwed over,died.’

to the men we love..

MEN. they hv no idea the effort n sacrifices we put in.especially for the ones we love.

U say u’ll call; WE sit n wait.evry ring of the phone,our heart skips a beat.our lives suddenly revolve arnd a silent phone.

U say let’s go out at 8pm; WE start obsessing abt wat2wear at 2pm.stand in front of our wardrobe thinkin,shit shit shit,i look lk crap in ALL of these!!! cancel all other plans with our frens..we do our hair,our nails,shave,make up,dress up,perfume…all that jazz. just for an hour of ur time at dinner.AND U GO N CANCEL IT LAST MINUTE.

U say im not perfect; WE noe u’re not,bt y cant u jz put in SOME effort? we noe we’re not perfect either,we try our best2let u tink so,taking the effort2look good all the time,learn hw2cook,etc. WE try our best,we noe we hv flaws,heck,we see dem evryday,taunting us (our weight,our height,our nose,our cheeks,our hips,our boobs,our legs,our butt,etc…),bt we try SO hard2please u,y can’t u jz TRY??

U say im busy; WE tink ’so how much space do we actually occupy in ur life n wher do we actually stand?’

U say u’re so clingy; WE try to hold back,forcing ourselves to delete ur number so we won’t call u,waiting4hours4u to make the 1st call so we wun seem needy.

U say i need space; WE sit alone in our room,thinking of u n wat u’re doin n is this relationship going dwn the drain n wat did we do wrong this time.

U say come over; WE noe u’re jz lonely n most probly it’s jz a booty call,bt we’d rather b in ur arms n hv no self-worth,than feelin lk a loser missing u.

U say it’s gettin late u hv to go; WE tink oh god, i RILY am jz a booty call.im so stupid.

U say im thinkin of u; WE tink ‘is he jz sayin it? is he jz tryin to get me to go over again?’

U say i Love u; WE tink ‘pls pls pls dun say dat,u dun noe wat love is,dun get my hopes up.dun tel me u love me pls….cuz u dun mean it,n when we say it,we MEAN it.dun give me false temporary happiness.’

U ask do u love me; WE tink ‘asshole..im madly in love w u. U dun noe hw it feels2b a gal n be madly in love.’ N when u tel HIM hw madly in love u are w him,he tinks he’s finally gotten the upper hand,nw he’s in control n he cn start slacking off in the relationship. all he wants is2noe wher he stands in the rltnshp,whether he’s the boss now.

U say i noe u’re independent n cn tk cre of urself; WE tink he’s telling us2get a life n not bother him with our petty problems.

U say i hv no feelings4my ex nw she’s out of my life; WE tink u wr so crazy abt her the only way u cud move on afta she broke ur heart is to get together with us n use us2distract urself.

U say im doin my best baby; WE tink so now we’re a burden n he has to put a herculean effort jz2stay with us.

U say u’ve put on weight; WE tink GOD,im fat fat fat fat fat, he dusn love me anymore,wait,did he EVER love me b4???

U say u’re beautiful;WE tink oh man,we’re jz another gal in his life he tels these lines to.lk to all his 9 gfs before.n probably countless others that he’s screwed.

–> to all the men out ther who grew up w boys,went to a boys school,never had sisters or close gal frens = pls noe this,u wil NEVA understand hw it feels to b a gal in love. we hv it in our genes to give n give n give til ther’s nothing left. n ALL u do is tk n tk. All we ever hope is4u 2love us unconditionally,n treat us with love n respect n as equals. n when u break our hearts,quite frequently,n sadly,most gals wil stil stay n hope dat 1 day u’ll realise hw much we LOVE u.

SO on behalf of all the gals who r waitin,heartbroken n too in love to tel the guy if u’re gona tk me4 granted u cn jz FUCK OFF, im gona say this:

to ALL the men who’v broken our hearts, WE hope u go thru d same SHIT we went thru with u.WE hope u fall madly in love with the 1 gal who’ll use u n DITCH u,break ur heart,stomp all over the pieces n leave u high n dry. WE hope u wait4DAYS 4her to call n SHE NEVER calls. n den u find her screwing with ur best fren or ur BROTHER.

the best part is,we hope that WE’LL b dat gal 2break U.

PS: the above statements r solely my opinions, based on past relationships n the experiences of countless frens who went thru shit relationships. ur GF might b totally different.In dat case,good for her. *applause.*